The Purple Colonels

Somewhere I recall a comedian talking about his toes, referring to them as having military rank..The big toe being the General and so forth. I thought it was amusing and since then I have always called my funky 2nd toes "The Colonels". I am one of "those" people who have Colonels tall enough to play power forward on any good D1 college program.

In the running world they call it a "Morton" toe as in "Morton's Neuroma". Very flattering indeed.

The Colonels bear the brunt of most of my footwork and are the very last to leave the surface at each stride.

Around this time each year, when the few races I fart around with come into season and the long run gets the longest, the Colonels nailbeds get agitated and eventually rebel, first becoming eggplant purple, then ebony, and ultimately unattached and free to tumble about in my socks.

After the "race" yesterday, I peeled off my Fila's to find that the right Colonel was angry with me. This morning both of them were barking orders to allow a bit more headroom in the sock toes and loosen the shoe laces.

I've found that no apologies or doting change the outcome.

At Christmastime I'm delivered to the nail salon where Robin frequents. Halfheartedly under duress. The ladies who work there giggle at me to one another and I feel spoiled and piggy in the pedicure chair. The Colonels don't help here either. I plead for the life of their withering black nails. The ladies, of course would prefer to pull them off. I try to explain that I have a lot of running to do in the next few weeks and I'd rather not do it on nail beds that resemble newborn hamsters.

More giggles from them. I sink deeper into the chair and attempt to disappear which is hard to do when you are sitting in a 6 ft. tall lazyboy recliner throne, attached to a bathtub.

Anyway, this is the closest I come to "manscaping" and I must add that I don't allow the ladies to apply any clear polish when they are done.

I'm right on track for the upcoming marathon: Running too few miles, on the verge of injury, and well on my way to losing the covers of my Colonels.